Residents of Greater Manchester were shocked this morning to spot a glowing yellow/white disc hovering in the sky. Traffic came to a standstill as residents poured out of their homes onto local roads on mass to marvel at the unusual meteorological spectacle. Several locals speculated that this may be a sign from the Gods, warning of the end of days while others feared alien invasions – local convenience stores observed a rush on tin foil with many empty shelves. Mayor Andy B reassured the community that there is enough tin foil to go around.

Kate Bromfield: It first I thought I was hallucinating, we’ve never seen anything like this here in Manchester

Scientists from the University of Manchester theorised that excessive amounts of hot air from the recent conservative party conference may have reached critical mass, forming a dense orb which rose into the sky. Some suggest that if you stare intensely into the centre of the glowing mass you can just make out the faint sound of Boris Johnson and Kermit the Frog discussing their next moves to tackle the growing climate emergency.

Dr Zoidberg: We’ve known that the end is coming for years now but many just didn’t believe the data. I personally hope that this acts as a ‘wake up call’ for the people of Manchester. Multi-factorial prediction modelling suggest that the only way to avoid impending doom is to walk on our hands and replace cars with genetically engineered giant land squirrels.

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